So, I sit in front of my balcony. Feeling the air right now, here, while I am writing this down. Thrice when I was standing at the window, thrice I closed the window but opened it thrice too. I thought I could just make myself sit in the dark room where I feel depressed, where I could only find myself crying, screaming, sobbing, self harming, and just thinking. But when I chose to open the window and stand near it and feel the wind and let the rain drops touch me for one more time, I knew, I knew that I could give anybody another chance, I could give everybody another chance, including the guys, the friends, the family and myself and love and life another chance. Another chance all over again, and I know that I might end up the same way, depressed and choked and drained tomorrow too, and maybe day after that but I also know that I will heal, I am healing. I AM HEALING. I don’t know how I feel but I am letting this wind touch me, the raindrops kiss my lips and the earth touch my soul. All over again. I am thankful to god, the universe (don’t know about god but whoever that’s up there looking after me, mom who is beside me looking after me and everybody else who has ever loved me, thank you, you guys. Today, when I woke up I could barely breathe and I felt used and I felt like a side-lined option. I still feel it. I know, it still chokes me up, not only this recent one but all the heartbreaks that I have been through, thinking about each one of them, it still breaks my heart each time but I think this is how you know, your soul is alive and out there to feel love but more than that, it is out there to love people. Each one of them in a different way, never comparing, just there to love people, just there to stay. I do not know if they deserve it or they don’t, I can’t say but something in me would always encourage and inspire to love people, nature, raindrops, the beauty of it all comes from the simple touch of it, nature, earth, person, universe. I can’t say if it will be physical or no, but I know this for sure, you would be able to feel it, You would be able to feel their touch with all your heart. Today and Always.
And you’d be surprised to know, honestly, you would be surprised to know how anybody and everybody (including the universe) could just make you feel the touch without even pinpointing at you let alone physically touch you.
HAPPY LOVING. HAPPY FEELING ALIVE. It feels great. I wouldn’t say I feel great but I am healing.