Surviving a heartbreak

So, I sit in front of my balcony. Feeling the air right now, here, while I am writing this down. Thrice when I was standing at the window, thrice I closed the window but opened it thrice too. I thought I could just make myself sit in the dark room where I feel depressed, where I could only find myself crying, screaming, sobbing, self harming, and just thinking. But when I chose to open the window and stand near it and feel the wind and let the rain drops touch me for one more time, I knew, I knew that I could give anybody another chance, I could give everybody another chance, including the guys, the friends, the family and myself and love and life another chance. Another chance all over again, and I know that I might end up the same way, depressed and choked and drained tomorrow too, and maybe day after that but I also know that I will heal, I am healing. I AM HEALING. I don’t know how I feel but I am letting this wind touch me, the raindrops kiss my lips and the earth touch my soul. All over again. I am thankful to god, the universe (don’t know about god but whoever that’s up there looking after me, mom who is beside me looking after me and everybody else who has ever loved me, thank you, you guys. Today, when I woke up I could barely breathe and I felt used and I felt like a side-lined option. I still feel it. I know, it still chokes me up, not only this recent one but all the heartbreaks that I have been through, thinking about each one of them, it still breaks my heart each time but I think this is how you know, your soul is alive and out there to feel love but more than that, it is out there to love people. Each one of them in a different way, never comparing, just there to love people, just there to stay. I do not know if they deserve it or they don’t, I can’t say but something in me would always encourage and inspire to love people, nature, raindrops, the beauty of it all comes from the simple touch of it, nature, earth, person, universe. I can’t say if it will be physical or no, but I know this for sure, you would be able to feel it, You would be able to feel their touch with all your heart. Today and Always.

And you’d be surprised to know, honestly, you would be surprised to know how anybody and everybody (including the universe) could just make you feel the touch without even pinpointing at you let alone physically touch you.

HAPPY LOVING. HAPPY FEELING ALIVE. It feels great. I wouldn’t say I feel great but I am healing.

Changing attributes as per the roles you play in life

The title may look pathetically boring and huge to you all but there’s always hope and there’s hope and demand for the person who grows up to be mature enough to understand the statement.
Often we fight with our parents for night stays and night outs but we pull ourselves when we have to fight our friends for taking us out when we are ill. There are times we expect discipline from people and there are times when other people expect the same and we don’t obey and revert how they want us to.
And to be street smart, to grow and mature we have to find the appropriate places for the appropriate acts that we do, rather we have do appropriate acts at appropriate places.
Humans are dynamic and all of our roles that we play in our lives are dynamic and ever changing. With different people we have to be different and even with our kids we stand to be different at different times.
“But you said I could go on a night out after she has stayed at our place for a night..” that’s the reaction and flow of thought that goes on the person’s mind on the other side of the table when we can’t adjust and change our attributes as per our role. Anger, hatred, dislikeliness, detachment and distance grows towards people when those people are unable to adjust and maintain the attributes of the roles they play in their respective lives.
It is often noticed that this kind of situation grows and exists between teenagers and their restrictive parents. Sometimes the child is unable to figure out of how he is supposed to respond and parents on the other hand, amalgam their professional life attributes with their personal life attributes and generally forget to put off with their office post mask.
But the need and demand remains and grows with increase in the inability to properly defining and maintaining the roles that a person plays in life.
And after it’s done maybe the person realises their mistake, like “I should’ve let my child go on a night out” when you realise the child has skipped from house, but then again, you could have stopped that from happening and you could have done this and that.
It’s never too late and here’s a little hope, we all can define the roles and the attributes of our personality needed for those roles and should push ourselves to be  aware enough to switch between the roles at the appropriate times.

A Day of Realizations

There are days when you realise a little too much, a lot more than the usual and most unusual stuff.
On a train journey from kurla to dadar while travelling to lala lajpat rai, this girl started to realise, a lot of stuff she knew about but she had never experienced before. But that day, that day was  different, she realised and experienced a lot of stuff.

You never know how people are, you think you know them, but really, you don’t even know yourself. You don’t know what they’ve gone through, some have seen their parents getting divorced, some have experienced being the child of a single parent and some have been molested in childhood. So, don’t compare anybody’s life with anybody.

She realised that day that keeping everybody happy isn’t possible and sometimes, the choice you have to make is between your happiness and others and a lot of times, you choose yourself and also, many a times you choose others. In these situations, you often forget that whoever you choose, somebody will be left out, always.

She also realised that not a lot of things matter, only a few things matter, and the things that really matter may give you a hard time. Very few people matter and the people who don’t, can never hurt you. Only the things which matter and only the people who matter have the remote of your life. They can hit the jolly button, they can make you sad.

That day had a lot more for her, the day taught her that people can do a lot of stuff to show you that you’re the inferior one, that you don’t stand anywhere but its you, who knows, who stands upright and who’ll be guilty.

And the world really started to teach her much, Bombay started to teach her all of this. ❤

The Dear Departed

This article doesn’t consist of characters, you’d just go on about with experiences of as the title suggests,”The dear departed”

It’s said that between the age of 12-22, you meet a lot of temporary people, people who wouldn’t actually be there for you and this is true but they forget to mention that you meet a lot of permanent people as well, people who’d stay with you, no matter what.
So you know, school, high school/junior college and college and marriage.. Between all of these, people come and people go and some, they stay.

Entering as a cadet in NDA, people waving goodbye to his course mates, his parents were there too and there was this girl some 1300kms away who had nobody, but this guy on her mind, he had nobody but this girl on his mind.. They were mentally near by physically far… Tear drops on her books as she held those and his on his bag which he’s picking and entering the 1 seater bedroom.. It all looks the same to him, the same as it was in the 1st term but still, it looked a bit  different to him. He settles down to sleep as it is late already and tomorrow, he, staying in the academy has to be awake by 4 but still something’s on his mind and he gets up, unpacks the bag and in the corner most zip of his bag, he finds it, a chain, a pendant, his and her photo on the right side of the heart shaped pendant, stares at it, lies on the bed, keeps it under the pillow and sleeps. The girl, at her home presently, does the same but cannot sleep, she hopes for him, she hopes to see him after 5months; 22 weeks; 154 days, her countdown begins not for new year but the countdown for the time he’ll come back home.